June 2010 Archives
As most of my parish knows, I was flown home from Spain on June the 7th. I made it to Pamplona - where I ended up getting hospitalised for 3 days because I either had a massive allergic reaction that went out of control or an autoimmune episode that went out of control. Somewhere in there I also scored a blood clot behind my left knee. I suppose it was a kind of divine 2-for-1 deal. This past Monday, I was wide awake and kind of did a post mortem. For those of you who haven't seen it- I offer it to you now.
It is 1.30 am on the morning I finally get to see a flipping rheumatologist. I'm in pain, and I await the wonders of modern pharmaceuticals to do their business. One of the things I've heard from a number of folk is "I'm sorry that your trip ended this way" or "How tragic/sad that this happened." Oddly enough, I'm not. Don't get me wrong - 3 days in a Pamplona hospital and bleeding legs were not really on my list of how I wanted to end Camino.
The first thing you have to grasp about the Camino is that it isn't just a trail. It isn't like the AT that is pretty scenery- but has no real sense of purpose. This just mean that some people don't have life changing experiences on the AT- but you don't typically say/goto mass every stop on the AT. The Camino was originally, and I would argue still is a religious pilgrimage. The people on it are different. You might have one or two jackasses on Camino but you find out early on who they are and you ignore them. Typically the Camino shakes out those who shouldn't be there. It is a calling to walk Camino, and if you trust it - the rewards are phenomenal. Even if you get cut short.
For those of you who are curious- yes, I will finish the Camino. Not this year, obviously, but soon enough. I'll pick it up in Pamplona and go on to Santiago and Finisterre. When I don't know. But after three days- I still sit here and mull my time. One of the thoughts that has occurred to me is if just three days had this much of an impact, I'm not sure how I would deal with doing the whole thing at once. And I'm certain this note will only be a jumping off point for me to consider things as I continue to mull this over.
Probably what started all of this off was a comment I made at dinner the night before we crossed the Pyrenees. We were at Esprit du Chemin albergue in SJPP. Huberta and Arlo run this fantastic place which is a great way to start Camino. At dinner, each of us had to stand up and say who we are and where we are from and why we were led to do the Camino. I said, "to teach myself patience." Rule #1: If you don't mean it, don't say it. Laying on a bed in the Pamplona ER and finally in the hospital- those words echoed in my head. I had asked for it, and I was going to learn it. I am so used to being in St. Luke's Hospital in Houston that medical treatment is quick and makes sense. Here I was, far from home, and I could only say "No habla Castellano." Sometimes we were able to communicate - other times I had to trust. And that was hard. But I had to be patient. There was no rushing. I was at the mercy of the fine people at the hospital. There was a bad bike/car accident that took a while to deal with, and other people who were more serious than I. I was patient and I was appreciative of the hospital care that I received. I thought back on this and was a bit hacked on Monday night/Tuesday when I was in St. Francis Eastside ER. There were two young teenagers there. One who had complained of a fever. The other of a headache (no, I'm not making this up) - the woman was probably in high school. She wanted to be a doctor - "for real" so people would be treated and they wouldn't have to wait in the ER while others were being treated. She felt they were waiting because they were on medicaid- never mind the fact there were people who were in greater need of the one doctor that was there. They felt entitled to the care- I felt thankful that I got it.
On Camino there is no person or time to beat. We had an Australian who did the SJPP to Roncevalles in 5 hours. (The girls did it in 8.5, I did it in 9) The guy has my respect. However, when I was going up the Pyrenees, I was feeling a bit..pressured? That I was being passed by a fair number of people. Every time I stopped for water or to grab a snack- I looked on the ground and there was, inevitably, a snug or snail. It was a simple reminder that so long as I walked- I would get there. There was no person or time to beat. Sure there were times I walked a little faster to keep up with someone and talk. But I had to remember for the Camino to do its thing Rule #2: The Camino is your Camino. It is not what others think of you, or who you beat. It is about who you are and who you are becoming. The only competition is with yourself.
The Camino experience is hard to define. I keep talking about the Camino as if it is responsible for something. In truth it is God who has spoken to me while on Camino- Camino is simply a tool which the Almighty uses. When all you do is get up in the morning and walk for 6-9 hours, you have a great deal of time to listen. To be present. When I talk about the Camino doing something- I am talking more about the tool helping me (or others) listen and be present. I don't think the Camino is some sort of supernatural highway- but rather a mystical tool allowing us to concentrate on just being rather than just doing.
When you are walking, you run across all sorts of fellow pilgrims. We had our cast of characters as well. As I wrote on my camino blog- if I mourn anything, it is that the friendships I had on Camino didn't get to blossom. Perhaps, one day, we will cross paths again. The pilgrims on the path though are always friendly- the problem we discovered was trying to figure out which language to greet people in. I just settled for the ubiquitous "Buen Camino!" You would hear "¡Hola!" or "Bonjour!" or "Hallo!" as well. At dinners we would have to try and translate between the people we had at our tables. Yet it was amazing because very few people let language get in the way of being friendly and trying to have dinner conversation. Rule #3: Language should never be a barrier for dialogue or friendship. The bond of pilgrims is strong. We embraced our status as pilgrims and ignored the differences.
All of us have, I hope, heard the parable Jesus told about the Good Samaritan. If there is a modern day equivalent it has to be the Camino - thankfully, though, no one was to busy or afraid to help. Every day - people stopped for various reasons- but when you saw socks off and compeed out- it was blister treating time. Everyone always asked the stopped people- "Do you need anything?" "Are you ok?" (or their language equivalent there of). The Camino, to me, was the most perfect expression of Christian love that a human could see (not, of course, counting our Blessed Lord, I'm simply talking modern times here)- people would stop, take time, and help any of the pilgrims who were hurting or in need. There were no pretenses, nothing to be gained- it was truly awesome. Rule #4: Love one another just as Christ loved us. Pilgriming, even in modern times, is difficult- but the loving part was, as I found, quite easy. Along with this, the bonds of this experience will last forever. Jane-Allison and Hannah both saved my tail by getting my stuff from the albergue and bringing it to the hospital. I had to rely on them for information and to contact the outside world for me. I could not ask for two better friends to travel with and I'm deeply indebted to them both and miss them terribly while they finish their camino. I love them like sisters and feel privileged that I have gotten to spend this time with them.
Now that I'm back in South Carolina and stuck in bed until Wednesday thanks to a stupid blood clot- I have noticed a few changes in myself. I am not anxious. I'm not worried. Truth be told, I probably haven't been in this much peace in years. I think somewhere along the way something in my mind got overly complicated. The simplicity of the Camino reminded me that we control whether or not things get too complex. Life may throw a variety of things at us, but how we react is our choice. I've also had to allow myself to be helped and I have had to ask for help. These are things I do not do well. Normally when I'm sick- I shut the door to the world and heal up. Then again, normally, I could do that! But when it hurts to stand and walk- things become a different story. I suspect I'm still getting some time on that request about patience I made in SJPP- but this time I also have to allow myself to be served. It really is harder to do than I thought, but it is a lesson I have been needing to learn. My parish has been wonderful about helping me - from picking me up at the Charlotte airport to sitting with me in the ER to bringing me food - to even turning on the air conditioner thinking I would be coming home early!
So this ends my first post mortum of Camino. Did I think my first time would go like this? No. Would I change it? No. I got exactly what I needed.
It is 1.30 am on the morning I finally get to see a flipping rheumatologist. I'm in pain, and I await the wonders of modern pharmaceuticals to do their business. One of the things I've heard from a number of folk is "I'm sorry that your trip ended this way" or "How tragic/sad that this happened." Oddly enough, I'm not. Don't get me wrong - 3 days in a Pamplona hospital and bleeding legs were not really on my list of how I wanted to end Camino.
The first thing you have to grasp about the Camino is that it isn't just a trail. It isn't like the AT that is pretty scenery- but has no real sense of purpose. This just mean that some people don't have life changing experiences on the AT- but you don't typically say/goto mass every stop on the AT. The Camino was originally, and I would argue still is a religious pilgrimage. The people on it are different. You might have one or two jackasses on Camino but you find out early on who they are and you ignore them. Typically the Camino shakes out those who shouldn't be there. It is a calling to walk Camino, and if you trust it - the rewards are phenomenal. Even if you get cut short.
For those of you who are curious- yes, I will finish the Camino. Not this year, obviously, but soon enough. I'll pick it up in Pamplona and go on to Santiago and Finisterre. When I don't know. But after three days- I still sit here and mull my time. One of the thoughts that has occurred to me is if just three days had this much of an impact, I'm not sure how I would deal with doing the whole thing at once. And I'm certain this note will only be a jumping off point for me to consider things as I continue to mull this over.
Probably what started all of this off was a comment I made at dinner the night before we crossed the Pyrenees. We were at Esprit du Chemin albergue in SJPP. Huberta and Arlo run this fantastic place which is a great way to start Camino. At dinner, each of us had to stand up and say who we are and where we are from and why we were led to do the Camino. I said, "to teach myself patience." Rule #1: If you don't mean it, don't say it. Laying on a bed in the Pamplona ER and finally in the hospital- those words echoed in my head. I had asked for it, and I was going to learn it. I am so used to being in St. Luke's Hospital in Houston that medical treatment is quick and makes sense. Here I was, far from home, and I could only say "No habla Castellano." Sometimes we were able to communicate - other times I had to trust. And that was hard. But I had to be patient. There was no rushing. I was at the mercy of the fine people at the hospital. There was a bad bike/car accident that took a while to deal with, and other people who were more serious than I. I was patient and I was appreciative of the hospital care that I received. I thought back on this and was a bit hacked on Monday night/Tuesday when I was in St. Francis Eastside ER. There were two young teenagers there. One who had complained of a fever. The other of a headache (no, I'm not making this up) - the woman was probably in high school. She wanted to be a doctor - "for real" so people would be treated and they wouldn't have to wait in the ER while others were being treated. She felt they were waiting because they were on medicaid- never mind the fact there were people who were in greater need of the one doctor that was there. They felt entitled to the care- I felt thankful that I got it.
On Camino there is no person or time to beat. We had an Australian who did the SJPP to Roncevalles in 5 hours. (The girls did it in 8.5, I did it in 9) The guy has my respect. However, when I was going up the Pyrenees, I was feeling a bit..pressured? That I was being passed by a fair number of people. Every time I stopped for water or to grab a snack- I looked on the ground and there was, inevitably, a snug or snail. It was a simple reminder that so long as I walked- I would get there. There was no person or time to beat. Sure there were times I walked a little faster to keep up with someone and talk. But I had to remember for the Camino to do its thing Rule #2: The Camino is your Camino. It is not what others think of you, or who you beat. It is about who you are and who you are becoming. The only competition is with yourself.
The Camino experience is hard to define. I keep talking about the Camino as if it is responsible for something. In truth it is God who has spoken to me while on Camino- Camino is simply a tool which the Almighty uses. When all you do is get up in the morning and walk for 6-9 hours, you have a great deal of time to listen. To be present. When I talk about the Camino doing something- I am talking more about the tool helping me (or others) listen and be present. I don't think the Camino is some sort of supernatural highway- but rather a mystical tool allowing us to concentrate on just being rather than just doing.
When you are walking, you run across all sorts of fellow pilgrims. We had our cast of characters as well. As I wrote on my camino blog- if I mourn anything, it is that the friendships I had on Camino didn't get to blossom. Perhaps, one day, we will cross paths again. The pilgrims on the path though are always friendly- the problem we discovered was trying to figure out which language to greet people in. I just settled for the ubiquitous "Buen Camino!" You would hear "¡Hola!" or "Bonjour!" or "Hallo!" as well. At dinners we would have to try and translate between the people we had at our tables. Yet it was amazing because very few people let language get in the way of being friendly and trying to have dinner conversation. Rule #3: Language should never be a barrier for dialogue or friendship. The bond of pilgrims is strong. We embraced our status as pilgrims and ignored the differences.
All of us have, I hope, heard the parable Jesus told about the Good Samaritan. If there is a modern day equivalent it has to be the Camino - thankfully, though, no one was to busy or afraid to help. Every day - people stopped for various reasons- but when you saw socks off and compeed out- it was blister treating time. Everyone always asked the stopped people- "Do you need anything?" "Are you ok?" (or their language equivalent there of). The Camino, to me, was the most perfect expression of Christian love that a human could see (not, of course, counting our Blessed Lord, I'm simply talking modern times here)- people would stop, take time, and help any of the pilgrims who were hurting or in need. There were no pretenses, nothing to be gained- it was truly awesome. Rule #4: Love one another just as Christ loved us. Pilgriming, even in modern times, is difficult- but the loving part was, as I found, quite easy. Along with this, the bonds of this experience will last forever. Jane-Allison and Hannah both saved my tail by getting my stuff from the albergue and bringing it to the hospital. I had to rely on them for information and to contact the outside world for me. I could not ask for two better friends to travel with and I'm deeply indebted to them both and miss them terribly while they finish their camino. I love them like sisters and feel privileged that I have gotten to spend this time with them.
Now that I'm back in South Carolina and stuck in bed until Wednesday thanks to a stupid blood clot- I have noticed a few changes in myself. I am not anxious. I'm not worried. Truth be told, I probably haven't been in this much peace in years. I think somewhere along the way something in my mind got overly complicated. The simplicity of the Camino reminded me that we control whether or not things get too complex. Life may throw a variety of things at us, but how we react is our choice. I've also had to allow myself to be helped and I have had to ask for help. These are things I do not do well. Normally when I'm sick- I shut the door to the world and heal up. Then again, normally, I could do that! But when it hurts to stand and walk- things become a different story. I suspect I'm still getting some time on that request about patience I made in SJPP- but this time I also have to allow myself to be served. It really is harder to do than I thought, but it is a lesson I have been needing to learn. My parish has been wonderful about helping me - from picking me up at the Charlotte airport to sitting with me in the ER to bringing me food - to even turning on the air conditioner thinking I would be coming home early!
So this ends my first post mortum of Camino. Did I think my first time would go like this? No. Would I change it? No. I got exactly what I needed.
